Chapter 23
Chapter 23
Ch 23 Not Enough
ALARIC’S POV
I went to my old room. I remembered the nursery we shared when we were very young. I remember the day they split us apart and put us in our own rooms. We all left our new rooms that first night and climbed into Thea’s bed. We didn’t sleep in our new rooms for years. We only used them to shower and change clothes. Otherwise, we were in Thea’s room.
I remembered when we started having wet dreams and morning wood. We were horrified. Embarrassed. It was difficult to hide. We didn’t know what was happening to our bodies at first, and we didn’t have control over it. We knew we had to hide it from Thea.
At first, we tried waking up and getting out of bed before she woke up, but we didn’t always wake up in time. I told my brothers we couldn’t sleep with her anymore. Conri and Kai suggested we start dating her immediately. Then we could tell her about being turned on and what that made our bodies do.
Then we could still sleep with her.
I convinced them that we had to wait until she was ready. She had to make the first move. We were the future Alphas. If she wasn’t ready, if she didn’t have romantic feelings yet, she could feel like she didn’t have a choice. She had to do what her Alphas wanted. It would taint our relationship. If we had to, we could wait until we shifted and the matebond kicked in on her end, but we wouldn’t destroy our relationship before it had a chance to blossom.
I wondered if we started too soon. Maybe we should have waited until our birthdays. I don’t know why we felt the pull of the matebond from day one, and she didn’t. Just another reason I felt like I wasn’t enough for her.
I was lost in my thoughts when I heard her knock on the door. Thea came in and laid next to me on the bed. It hurt to have her so close when I couldn’t have her for real.
“I didn’t realize this would have such an effect on all of you. Will you tell me what you’re feeling?” she said.
I didn’t know where to start or if any of it would make a difference, but she deserved an answer. It took a moment to sort my feelings.
“I’m feeling hurt. I feel like I’ll never be enough. You’re my world, and I’m not yours. I’m not important. I’m not the one you want.”
She sat up and looked at me. “Oh, Ric, you’re wrong.”
I met her eyes.
“Where is this coming from? Why do you feel that way?” Thea said.
“Maybe because I’ve loved you since I can remember, and you never seemed interested. For so long, I’ve wanted to kiss you, hold your hand, make you moan, hear you say my name when you're turned on, and you never gave the slightest hint that you wanted that from me.”
“I did, Ric. I do. I’ve wanted you to kiss me, touch me, do anything to my marking spot,” Thea said. She bit her lip.
“Do you know how many times I’ve touched myself thinking about you? I imagine us in bed together, you laying on top of me, feeling your weight on me. I thought I wasn’t allowed to have those feelings, so I hid them.”
“Really?” I studied her face. She looked sincere.
“We’re so similar. Both of us were waiting for the other to make a move. I’ve been pining for you in secret for as long as I can remember. Your calm confidence is such a turn-on. You always know what’s right and do the right thing. I know I can count on you. I see and appreciate all you do for me, for the pack, for everyone. I trust you. I admire you. You’re so perfect. It means so much that you’ re even interested in me. Being intimate with you makes me have all kinds of fluttery feelings inside.”
“Me too.” I couldn’t help smiling.
“You’re right, though,” Thea said.
“I don’t show you enough what you mean to me. Maybe we need to start scheduling alone time. We’re always all together, but if we were alone, I could show you better what you mean to me.”
“That sounds nice,” I said.
“I want so badly for us to be mates.”
“I know we’re mates.”
“Okay,” Thea said. “If you say we’re mates, I believe you.”
“Just like that?”
“I trust you. I trust your judgment. You always do the right thing. You always know what’s right. I should’ ve seen it before. If you believe it, so do I.” I needed to feel her. I pulled her on top of me.
“I love you, Thea. I need you. We fell apart today, I fell apart, and you were absolutely fine. Goddess, it felt like I was dying. That’s always how it goes. We need you, but you don’t need us.”
“No, Ric. I pretend to be okay without you guys. I thought I had to. It was practice for when you all got other mates. Being so far away from you all day was awful. Every part of me ached for you. I couldn’t
stop thinking about you. I wanted you with me. I love you so much. I’m so sorry I caused you pain. I never want you to feel or believe that you're not enough. You’re so much more than enough. You’re everything. It feels like my heart can’t contain the love I have for you, like it’s going to burst out of my chest.”
“Yeah?” Goddess, those words meant everything to me.
“Yeah.”
“I like this alone time thing. Tell me more,” I said. | “When I think about you, goddess, no, I can’t say it.” She blushed and hid her face in my chest.
“Tell me.” I needed to see her beautiful face. I lifted her head to face me. Her lips were so perfect. I traced them with my thumb.
“When I think about you, I want you to put a pup inside me.”
My heart skipped a beat. I rolled to the side and put Thea on her back. My hand went to her belly, where our pups would grow. Where we’d feel them kick. Thea closed her eyes and smiled. Sighed. It was the best sight and sound in the world.
“You think about that?” I said.
“Yeah. I think about how it would feel to have your pup growing in my belly. How it would feel to have you comforting me and helping me through labor. How your face would look when you hold our pup in your arms.” She opened her eyes and looked into mine.
“Do you think about ite”
“All the time,” I said.
”There are times I look at you, and I see a miniature version of you, turquoise eyes and chestnut hair, running around, jumping into my arms. She’d beat up her brothers, boss them around. I see her on your hip, holding onto you while you go about your business as Luna. I’ve seen her scrape her knee and come crying to us. We comfort her, wipe her tears, clean her up.” I put my forehead against hers.
“You want to have my pups?”
She put her hand over mine on her belly.
“I want to have your pups. You’ll make the best father.” :
My heart fluttered. Goddess. Of all the people in the world, hearing that from Thea meant everything. She brought out the best in me. She made me feel like a man. I wanted to provide for her and keep her safe, healthy, and happy. My hand slid around her hip, squeezed, and pulled her closer to me.
“I want you so bad, Ric. I want you to make love to me.”
My heart raced. “What about waiting until we shift?” I said.
“We’re mates, right?” I nodded. “That’s what I was waiting for. I trust you.”
We were naked in no time, kissing hungrily. I had to touch her everywhere. Her hands were all over me, pulling me closer. It felt like she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I laid her down on her back and lowered myself over her. She looked up at me in the sweetest way. I kissed her, and she ran her legs up and down mine. She slid her hands around my back, following the contours of my muscles. It felt incredible to have her exploring my body, being turned on by it.
I broke our kiss, propped myself up on my elbow, grabbed my cock, and started running the head up and down her warm, slick folds. I almost came from that. My cock against her pussy, skin to skin. She was so wet, and it was for me.
“Please, Ric,” she begged.
She wanted me. I felt it, and my heart soared. I moved to her entrance, and our eyes locked. Goddess, she felt amazing. I started to push inside, and Thea winced. I froze.
“Are you okay?” I didn’t mean to hurt her.
She nodded. “I forgot the first time is going to hurt.”
Oh yeah.
“Me too,” I said. It was like someone dumped a bucket of cold water on me. I pulled out and dragged my cock up to her clit. Up and down a few times. I wanted her to feel good, not be in pain.
“That feels so good, Ric.”
“Yeah. It does.” Goddess, there were tingles wherever we touched. I was thinking a little more clearly. “We should wait for Kai and Con. It would break their hearts if they missed this. I’m sorry I got caught up in my emotions.”
Thea sighed. “I’m sorry too,” she said. “I accepted we were mates, and I lost my mind. You’re right, as always. Kai and Con need to be here. Come here.”
I laid next to her, wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her close. We cooled down, holding and caressing each other.
“How did today go?” I said after a while.
“Really good. I got a lot of ideas for the bar. I need to visit more. Maybe next time you guys could come with me?”
“Sure.”
“One of the bars was for men only. There was porn on all the walls of very specific types of sex. You should’ve seen the looks we got when we, two girls, walked in. It was so awkward.”
“I guess their website didn’t specify that?”
“No. In hindsight, if I had been aware of the type of porn I saw there, the name of the bar may have been a tip-off.”
“What was it?”
“The Anvil.”
I laughed. “We boys may have caught that one, my sweet, innocent Luna.” We laughed together, and she nuzzled against me.
“You know, you didn’t even ask me if I liked kissing her,” Thea said.
I didn’t want to think about it. “Did you?” I said.
“I couldn’t do it. I tried to consider it, like you said, but I only ever want to kiss you and Kai and Con.”
“You minx,” I said, mussing her hair. She smiled up at me. “I missed you today.”
“I missed you too. How was your day?” Thea said.
“It started uncomfortably. Con spiraled so fast. He destroyed his old room, wouldn’t eat, and then he wouldn’t leave your bed. He needed your scent to keep him relatively calm. Kai spiraled too. Picked fights with anyone who would hit him.”
“Is that why your hands are beat up?”
“Thad to stop him.”
“You never get to throw tantrums. You’re always the responsible one,” Thea said.
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to throw a tantrum sometime?” Did I? “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d do.”
“Well, Pl hold space for you to lose control if you need it.” From NôvelDrama.Org.
My Luna. My mate. My perfect angel. I kissed her. Goddess, it felt so good to be able to do that.
“Will you do me a favor?” she said.
“Anything.”
“If you feel anything other than perfectly happy, please come to me. Please don’t pull away. I want to be the one to comfort you and make you whole. I don’t need you to be the responsible one all the time. I want to see the other sides of you, and I never want you to be unhappy. Please come to me. No matter what.”
I loved hearing those words come out of her mouth. I wanted them. I wanted to do it. It went against my nature, though.
“I’ll try,” I said.
“I told you we’re similar.”
She was right, wasn’t she? I kissed her forehead.
“We should probably head back to our room,” I said.
“Yeah.”
We got up, dressed, and joined Conri and Kai in Thea’s bed. Our bed. We all snuggled up to her, soaking in her warmth and her scent.
“This feels right,” Thea said. “This is what I’ve wanted all day.”
My brothers and I grunted in agreement.
“Us too, but you were better at hiding it,” Kai said.
“Will you stop hiding it? I want to know you want us,” Conri said.
“I’ll try,” Thea said. “Old habits die hard.”