My Not Yet Mate

Chapter 51

Lukas

He could hear her heart speed up and all he wanted to do was shout from the rooftops that she had asked him to stay. He nuzzled into her neck as he tried to calm his excitement down. He didn’t want to scare her. Finally, he nodded.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

She relaxed fully against him. He wondered why she had been so nervous to ask. He had never not stayed with her when she had asked.

“Lukas, if I asked you for something, even if it hurt your feelings, would you do it?

“Maybe. What do you want?”

“I want to heal. I want to get better, before I’m your..” She waved her hand. “You know.”

He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Before you become our queen?”

She nodded. “It’s not fair to the kingdom to have a broken queen.”

“You are not broken, Lils. You are hurt. Never broken. You are a survivor.”

She sighed. “I’m broken, Lukas. No matter what way you try to say it, it’s all the same. I am broken and I have come a long way to putting the pieces back together, but it’s been hard. I have tried to hurt myself. To end the pain. I have tried to get rid of our- the baby. You don’t need a queen like that by your side. You deserve better

He remained quiet. He didn’t want to let on how happy he had been for that millisecond after she had said that the baby was theirs. He wanted nothing more than to be a family with her and their child. He took a deep breath.

“Lily, listen to me. I will help you through this. I want to help you through this,”

She shook her head. “This isn’t something you can help me through. It’s something I have to do for myself.” She turned in his arms until she was on her knees between his legs. She gripped his face. “I know you feel the need to protect me, but some things you can’t save me from. My own mind is one of them. You have to let me mend myself, so that I can be what you need.”

He sighed. “You already are what I need, baby.”

She groaned. “I’m not perfect, Luaks.”

“You are to me,” he replied stubbornly, refusing to let her continue to talk down about her abilities to be his queen and his mate.

She leaned forward and pressed a fleeting kiss to his lips. “Then let me mend myself, so I can be what I need.”

He stared at her. He was seriously doubting that leaving her around his sisters was a good thing. She was already sounding so much like them, especially Lani since she started all her mental healing crap.

“Lily”

Fuck. Why did she have to look at him with those sad doe eyes?

id doe eyes? They were

were his downfall every single fucking time. He sighed.

“Fine. Anything else?”

“After tonight, I want you to leave me alone for a while, so I can focus on me. I need to know that you can do that. I need to know that I have freedom.” She took a deep breath. “I need to know that you weren’t lying to me about letting me choose.”

His chest tightened with each of her words. Was she planning on rejecting him? He looked away from her as Gideon tried to take over to try to convince her that what she was asking for was unnecessary, that he would never force her to be with him. Lukas looked back at her and he knew that he had been lying to himself for years, since the day he met her. If she tried to reject him, he knew he would take her away. He didn’t want to say he would hold her hostage

“But we would,” Gideon growled. “But this is still unnecessary. We love her.”

He shook his head to clear it. “Ok, Lily,” He kissed her hand again. “After tonight, I will leave you alone and wait for you to come to us.” He paused. “On one condition. If you need anything or if you miss me, you tell me.”

led into his chest. “I miss you everyday, Lukas. Even when I was mad at you, I missed you.”

She sighed and nuzzled

A tear rolled down his cheek and hit her neck. She looked up at him, before reaching up to touch his face.

“You’re crying? Why?”

“Because I don’t want to do this, Lils. I always want you by my side.”

She pressed her forehead against his and looked into his eyes. “I know and I want that, too. It’s all I’ve wanted since I met you, but right now, I need you to respect my wishes. I think about letting you touch me and I’m afraid. I don’t want to be afraid of you.”

He wrapped his arm around her waist a

and pressed a tender kiss to her lips. “I don’t want you to be afraid either.”

She brought her hand up again to his cheek. “I love you, Lukas. That’s why I need to do this, so we can be happy and free. Like in the Golden Clan.”

He closed his eyes as a million different emotions threatened to spill out. He swallowed.

“Lukas, say something. Please, she whimpered.

He opened his eyes. “If I said what was truly on my mind, it would scare you.”

She let her hand drop and she pulled back a little. “What is it?”

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I was thinking about how bad I wanted to lay you down and make love to you. I was thinking about how much I wanted to erase every single bad thought and fear out of your mind. I was thinking about taking you away and hiding you in my closet and never letting you go.”

Her heart thudded wildly in her chest. “Are you going to?”

“No, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to

She kissed him. “I need to eat. Dad was going to take me for steaks, but I wanted to come home and see you.”

He couldn’t help the smile that ended up on his face. “You wanted to set me?”

She nodded. “Dad didn’t fish for me. You would have.”

He laughed and got up, pulling her

up beside him. “Let’s go eat.”

She linked her arms around his waist. “Thank you, Lukas. I really do feel better.”

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Chapter Comments

this is where she’s wrong, thinking she can do it alone, her mind is the devil in disguise

chika brooke

They needed this talk it would help her to heal knowing that no matter what Lucas loves and wants her the way she is irrespective of all that she’s been through. I believe she feels so much better now and will heal properly afterwards…… my not yet mate

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