Loss of self.
(JARED'S POV)
"The greatest pain of love is the pain of its loss, and the greatest loss is the loss of self."
I sighed and tore my gaze from the quote in the book I have been forcing myself to read for minutes now. It's funny how it resonates so well with my current state of life.
Sighing again, I looked out my office window as I let my head do the one thing it has been doing best lately-think.This content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .
I thought about the drastic crumbling of my relationship with Sofia. What I had once thought would be a forever passionate flame had dwindled so fast to a mere faint spark that was barely flickering.
Sofia was growing reckless by the day, hooking up with some not-so-good ladies that all they do is party, gossip about popular celebrity news, and go on shopping sprees. I, on the other hand, kept withdrawing and moving farther away from her. The final straw had been the credit card incident. Against my will, my thoughts drifted to that fateful day.
I had received a notification of a substantial transfer from my credit card. Instantly, I knew something was amiss. I had left the car at home, and only one person could have used it-Sofia.
I called her repeatedly, but she Ignored my calls. Anxiety biting at my gut, I barely made it to the close of work before hurrying home.
The scene that greeted me as infuriating as much as it was surreal. Sofia was surrounded by designer shopping bags from different luxurious brands.
"Where did you get all of these, and how?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice low and rational.
"From popular designer shops and with your card," she responded nonchalantly.
"My card?" I asked, still trying to keep my temper low and controlled.
"Come on, Jared. Don't start now, please. The allowance you give me isn't enough. Besides, I already exhausted the ken for this month and couldn't wait until next month for another so I had to use your card."
"The allowance you give me isn't enough," Sofia replied, her tone nonchalant. "I had to use your credit card."
"You stole my credit card, you mean?"
"I didn't steal it," Sofia retorted, her tone dripping with insolence. "It was in the drawer for me to use. If you didn't want it to be used, why did you leave it there?"
I was stunned to say the least. "Sofia, that's not how it works. You can't just take my things without permission."
"Why not? Am I not your fiance?"
I took a deep breath, fighting so hard not to lose it. "Listen, Sofia. I need you to understand. You're my fiance, but do not ever take anything of mine without asking. It's not yours to take. And yes, I left the card in the drawer and that's because it's my house and I trust that everything I leave in it is safe."
"Can I have my card now?" I demanded, sternly.
Her expression turned sullen, but she pulled it out of her purse and handed it to me.
Hours later, when my emotions were in check, I attempted to speak to her again.
"We need to talk about your recent spending habits and the company you keep, Sofia," I began. "This can't continue."
I was expecting a calmer response, but her reverse was the case. Her response was explosive. "Just let me live my life, Jared. Stop suffocating me!"
The conversation ended there, and I
never made an effort to speak to her again. Saving her or salvaging our relationship was futile. So I began to distange myself, hiding my cards and financial documents to prevent a repeat of history.
Now, all we did was exist as strangers under the same roof. I was more focused on rebuilding my financial state and climbing back up the ladder of wealth that has been worn down by Sofia's extravagance.
As I returned to the present, my eyes looked up the clock and sighed in exasperation. It was closing time, but I sure as hell was not going home yet.
I guess it's another day to visit the snooker house, and have a bottle or two. That decided, I gathered my stuff and left the office.
I arrived at the snooker house, and as usual, I played with a few regulars, losing myself in the game.
After a few hours, I headed to the
bar, ordering a whiskey to calm my nerves. But one drink turned into two, and two into five and I kept the number going. The alcohol flowed
through my vein, numbing every pain in me .
Hours later, I drove home. The clock read 2 Am, but it didn't matter to me. How I drank and drove, and still returned home in one piece was still a mystery to me.
The next morning, I woke up to the pounding of a hangover. Groaning, I rolled o dr, only to be confronted by Sofia's angry face.
"Look at this!" She yelled, shoving her phone in my face.
"Billionaire seen drunk at a local bar," the headline read. But, I wasn't at a local bar, I thought. I winced, rubbing my temples.
"You should be ashamed of yourself," Sofia continued yelling.
"What do you want, Sofia?" I growled. Her yelling was making my headache worse.
"You're embarrassing me!" She spat. "You're embarrassing yourself!"
"Leave me alone," I snarled. "It's all your fault."
Her eyes flashed with anger. "How dare you? I'm not the one who got drunk in public."
"Get out, Sofia!" I shouted, throwing off the covers. My frustration had reached its limits, and my headache, too. "You're suffocating me. Leave my life, too."
I watched her face change from anger to shock, and then back to anger. Without another word, she rose and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.