Me After Meeting You

“What’s the matter?” A colleague by her side had come to get a glass of water, but asked Amber this question upon seeing her face.

Amber forced herself to laugh in response. “Nothing. I might not have slept well last night, so I’m not feeling too well.”

“Oh, were you keeping guard over the patient in bed 24 the whole night again?” Although Presbiterian Hospital’s psychiatry department was quite famous for its novel treatment methods, her colleague rarely saw people like Amber, who would tire them selves half to death trying out a new treatment plan.

“Are you sure that you can keep going like this?” Her colleague was skeptical, trying to convince her to take it slower. “Her illness was already rare to begin with, and even then, people with similar symptoms can be suffering from entirely different illnesses. You’ve been pushing for your so called humane treatment methods, but they don’t seem to be particularly effective on her.

I’m telling you sometimes, patients suffering from mental illnesses are just like badly behaved children. Trying to persuade them gently won’t always be effective, but a simple, crude strategy might work wonders. Do you want to try that?”

Amber laughed upon hearing her colleague’s vivid analogy. “Alright, I’ll consider it.”

After chatting with her colleagues a little more, Amber got up to patrol the wards again. When she got to Elly’s ward, she stopped at the door for quite a while, eventually deciding to not enter.

After the incident with the restaurant owner’s wife, Elly seemed to have reverted to her old ways. Although she wouldn’t make a big fuss, she had completely given up on drawing and refused to listen to anyone. The door in Elly’s heart that seemed to have been half opened to Amber had been completely shut now.

***

Amber had classes in the afternoon. Because she wasn’t in her best condition, she made a few mistakes in a row. And after being corrected again, she couldn’t help but caress her forehead out of exasperation.

The students attending the lecture were all laughing, and a male student by the front row even jokingly asked, “Dr. Camille, you aren’t this distracted because you just broke up with someone, right?” And then he even consoled her. “Even if you really just broke up with someone, then it’s fine if you don’t want to teach. Just sit down and watch us self study.”

When Amber was feeling well, she would laugh along with them. But today, she really wasn’t feeling up to it, so she really did just pull a stool over and sat there until the end of class.

Her students were all relatively obedient: no one came up to tease her, instead, everyone sat patiently at their desks and studied for the remaining half of the session.

Even after class, they each sincerely said goodbye to her, and some even secretly handed her notes. Amber looked at them, and everyone of them had something along the following lines.

“Keep it up, Dr. Camille!”

“Dr. Camille, there are so many men in the world, why waste your time pining over one?”

or “Dr. Camille, turn around, turn around and look. I, your student, will always be here for you.”

Amber could only laugh at their innocent humor, but her heart warmed at the messages. Despite how much these kids teased her, she could feel how much they cared for her.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

That male student who was always sleeping in her class was once again the last one out. Surprisingly, he hadn’t slept today. Somewhat embarrassed, he walked up to her and stood there for quite a while before extending his hand toward her.

In his palm were two plain but elegantly wrapped sweets.

“Are these for me?”

The boy nodded.

Amber took one piece of candy from his hand and said, “Let’s eat them together.” She unwrapped the candy and stuffed it into her mouth. It was chocolate flavored, not as sweet as the version with the little squirrels, and even had a hint of bitterness that contrasted well with its refreshing after taste-an unusual combination.

The boy smiled quite happily as he saw her eat the sweet. His ears blushed red and he ran out of the classroom, still holding the other sweet in his hand.

Amber thought him too introverted to be a university student, but given that he was only auditing the class, she didn’t bother putting too much thought into it. She smiled at his back, picked up her things, and went to Nancy’s office.

***

Nancy was somewhat surprised to see Amber coming over, but her sharp eyes saw through her emotions in one glance. She pushed everyone else out of the office, leaving the two of them alone, and then asked, “What’s wrong? You don’t look well today.”

Rather than merely unwell, Amber actually looked like she was about to burst out into tears at any moment now.

In fact, she actually did, right after Nancy asked that question, tears started streaming down her face.

Nancy wasn’t too shocked. After all, psychiatrists were people them selves, with feelings that were difficult for them to process. Instead of anxiously asking her questions, she motioned for her to sit down by her side, to cry in as comfortable a position as possible.

After Amber finished, Nancy gave her a glass of water. “Are you thirsty?”

“Yes.” She nodded, blew her nose, took the cup of water, and downed it in one go.

Her unusually childish actions made Nancy smile as she looked at her. “Alright, what’s the matter?”

Amber was still a bit upset, and she played with her glass of water for quite a while before explaining. “That patient I took on with Cotard’s syndrome relapsed because she was provoked by external stimuli. After that, her father gathered all the kids and family members who bullied her in the past together, and treated them to poisoned blowfish meat, killing three of them. I asked a lawyer what would happen to him; given the situation, even if he were spared the death penalty, it would at most be a deferred death sentence.”

“I don’t know when he started planning that event in his mind, but I’m very upset by it. I must have pushed him to it. I knew that helping reopen Elly’s case would be difficult, but I still forced him to do it ….”

Nancy looked at her. “So you think that you’re in the wrong?”

“Yes.” Amber covered her face, and with great effort, answered her question. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have ignored your advice, and I forgot about my own duties and tried to act as a messenger of justice.”