Filthy Secret

Yelena

I groan as pain rips through my head, my mouth feels dry and my eyes are heavy. I wince as the memories come rushing back. My mother hitting me across the head, the dirty asshole who put his hands on me

because she allowed him too. I’ve known for a long time that she was a bitch, but I never truly fathomed how far she would go to have me killed.

Opening my eyes I blink furiously at the harsh light, I focus on the white walls as my eyes adjust to the brightness. It doesn’t take me long to realize that I’m in a hospital. Glancing around I see that I’m alone and I can’t help but wonder where Nikolai is. Does he know that I’m here?

The door opens and a middle-aged, balding man walks in wearing a white lab coat and a bright smile. “Ah, you’re awake,” he beams as he moves closer to me. “How are you feeling?”

Confused, angry, determined to get revenge. “Fine,” I tell him. But I’m anything but; I’m in pain and I feel as though I’ve swallowed nails but I despise hospitals and I’m going to do everything in my power to get the hell out of here.

He gives me a knowing smile and checks me over. “Your pupils are reacting as they should to the light, which is a good sign. The blow to the

head could have caused some major damage.” “So I’m okay?” I ask.

“Yes, from the scans and the tests that we have run, you are okay, extremely lucky but okay.”

I breathe a sigh of relief.

“The baby is doing okay too,” he tells me. “It’s early stages but the development is normal and there’s no bleeding.”

I blink trying to wrap my head around what he’s just said. “Baby?”

He nods. “Yes, Ms. Alekseeva, you are measuring around five weeks.”

The door opens and I ignore it. “How?” I say, wondering why the hell this is happening to me. “I’m on the pill, I take it religiously.”

The doctor pats my hand in sympathy. “Although the pill is a form of contraception, it isn’t a hundred percent effective.”

I can’t believe this. How on earth did I let this happen? I’m pregnant with my mother’s husband’s baby. God, it’ll be a fucking riot at holidays.

“Can I go home now?” I ask, wanting to get on the first flight to New York and get the hell away from here. But first, I’ll have a pit stop to make.

“We’re going to keep an eye on you today. You were unconscious for a few hours and we want to ensure that you and the baby remain okay,” the doctor tells me.

“I don’t want to be here-”

“Lena,” Nikolai interrupts me. “You’re staying until the doctor clears you to go home.” His tone brooks no arguments and while he’s staring at me as though he’s never seen me before-his brown eyes dark and filled with worry, not to mention his shoulders are slumped-he’s still got that anger about him.

The doctor slips out of the room while I’m in a stare off with Nikolai. “I have something to do.”

He grins as he takes a seat beside my bed. “I bet you do, but, malenkaya right now, you need to focus on ensuring that you and our baby are okay.”

My throat lodges as he places his hand on my stomach. I’m swamped with so much emotion that tears spring to my eyes. “Nik-”Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

He presses a kiss against my lips as I will the tears not to fall.

“Malenkaya, what’s wrong?”

How do I tell the man that I’m in love with that I’m not sure if I want this baby? I never thought about having kids, it’s why I was so staunch about taking my birth control. Having Adele as my mother made me view things so differently than others would. I’ve always known that I was a burden on her and that she wished she’d aborted me, that was something I’d never inflict on a child.

“Dorogaya, talk to me.” His voice is hoarse, as though he’s not sure what to expect.

“I don’t know how this happened,” I tell him honestly. I glance up at him and see something move through his eyes. Something akin to guilt and my stomach drops. “Nikolai, what did you do?” I whisper horrified.

He removes his hand from my stomach and sits back in the chair. “Ya hochu ot tebya rebyenka moy, dorogaya.” (I want you round with my baby sweetheart.)

I stare at the man that has taken so much without a second thought as to what I want or feel. “What did you do?”

He doesn’t answer me and the silence stretches between us. Nausea hits me and I push it back down. “Nikolai.” My tone is filled with anger and confusion. I know he’s done something, but what, that’s the question I want answered.

“Tell me,” I hiss. I move so that I can sit up and of course the overprotective ass is up on his feet to help me. “Nikolai, either tell me or leave.”

“I switched out your birth control pills.”

I stare at the man that I love and feel my heart split into two.

“Get out,” I say, my voice hoarse and scratchy.

“Malenkaya-”

I shake my head. “Get out,” I yell, glad that I’m strong enough to do so. “Get the fuck out.”

“You think, dorogaya, that you kicking me out is going to make me leave? That it’ll make this thing between us vanish?” He shakes his head.

“No, malenkaya, it won’t. I’ll go, let you rest, but I’ll be back.”

“Don’t,” I choke out. “I don’t want to see you.”

I tense as he steps closer to me, his hand cups my cheek. “Listen to me, malenkaya, and hear my words. I do not regret what I have done, you are my light, my love, mine. I will do everything in my power to ensure that you are happy and healthy. This baby is a blessing, dorogaya, one that we’ll cherish.”

I swallow hard at his words. Why the hell does he have to be so damn sweet. “You forced me to get pregnant, Nikolai, a baby was never in my plans. I never wanted to be like my mother.”

He sits on the bed next to me, his breath hot against my face. “You are nothing like that suka, Lena. Nothing. You care about the people you love. Your mother only gave a fuck about herself. But you need not worry about her any longer. She’s not a threat anymore.”

I close my eyes as his words sink in. “You killed her.” It’s a statement.

“She hurt you, malenkaya, that’s not something I’ll ever allow anyone to do, mother or not.”

“I was going to kill her,” I whisper, feeling grateful that he has taken the task away from me.

“You would have, dorogaya, but you shouldn’t have to face that burden. I on the other hand had no qualms taking her out an’ did so.” He goes on to tell me how my mother and he weren’t really married and that nothing had happened between them. I feel relieved that what we have isn’t anything to do with my mother but simply because of the attraction we have. “But, malenkaya, it does not change the fact that you are pregnant. That together we are having a child.”

“I’m so very mad at you,” I tell him and the bastard smiles at me. “Don’t smile, there’s nothing to smile about.”

“Actually, dorogaya, there is. You’re mine, we are going to have a baby, be a family.”

I glare at him, that is the wrong thing to say right now. “If that’s the case, Nikolai, then why the hell didn’t you consult me when you made life changing decisions? Decisions that affect me?”

He cradles my face with both of his hands. “I am a selfish man,

Melenkaya, one that will do whatever it takes in order to get what I want.

And that, dorogaya, was you and having you pregnant with my child.”

“So what, job done, you can now go and find someone else?”

His eyes darken, his nostrils flare, and his grip on me tightens. “Fuck no,” he snarls. “Listen, malenkaya, you are mine, there is no one else. You even think of running and I’ll find you. I’ll bring you back.”

I stare at him utterly confused. “Why?” Why the hell has he done this?

“Ah, malenkaya,” he whispers. “Ya lublu tebya, moya dorogaya.” (I love you, my sweetheart.)

My mouth drops open at his words. He chuckles. “Speechless, malenkaya?”

I nod, swallowing back the tears. “I didn’t expect to hear those words.”

Hell, I didn’t think love was an emotion that Nikolai was capable of. The man rarely talks, we rarely talk, it’s just been sex with us. His gentleness with me is what broke through the barrier and made me see more than just the Pakhan of the Bratva,

His smile reaches his eyes. “Dorogaya,” he murmurs. “Do you love me?”

I’m unable to keep the smile from my face. “Ya lublu tebya,” I whisper, and it feels so good to say the words. Ones that I have been hiding in fear of rejection. (I love you.)

“Moya prekrasnaya, dorogaya.” he gently presses his lips against mine and I know that there’s no hope in hell that I’d be able to stay mad at him for too long.

From the moment we met, he’s shown me how much he truly cares about me. He’s never made me feel as though I’m nothing but a fuck to him. I fell hard for him because he showed me his true self. While he’s fucked up and made decisions that affect us both-I’m still pretty pissed about it-but I do know that I’ll get over it. He’s not the only one that’s made mistakes. I have too. But hopefully, we can move forward together.

“No more tricks, Nikolai,” I tell him as he pulls back. “Talk to me if you want something.”

His lips twitch but he nods in agreement. “Okay.”

“Good, now, please can we go home?” I plead with him, as I press closer to his body.

“Malenkaya.” His words are stern but his eyes light up. “You heard the doctor, if everything is okay, then tomorrow I’ll take you home.”

I bite my lip at his promise, the longing in his eyes is enough to tell me exactly what he plans to do to me.

“You want something, dorogaya?” he teases me. He damn well knows what I need.

I grin, that’s okay, two can play this game. “What I want,” I whisper huskily. “Is something that you wouldn’t appreciate your men hearing.”

His lips thin as his eyes darken so that they’re almost black. “Now, malenkaya, you’ll pay for that tomorrow.” Heat pools between my thighs and I squirm. “Moya prekrasnaya malenkaya shlyushka, tomorrow can’t come soon enough.” (My beautiful little whore.)

I bite my lip to stop the whimper from escaping. God, I love it when he calls me his beautiful little whore. “Tomorrow,” I reply as I press a kiss to his lips. “Ya lublu tebya,” I say with a yawn as exhaustion hits me like a freight train. (I love you.)

He returns the kiss, this time he deepens it until I’m breathless and clinging to him. “Ya lublu tebya, dorogaya.” He gets to his feet and peers down at me. “Rest now, malenkaya.”

He helps me lie back down and covers me with the sheets. I watch as he takes a seat beside me, his hand engulfing mine. “Sleep, Lena, I’ll be here when you wake.”

I close my eyes and all I can think of as sleep claims me is how happy I am, truly happy, something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. That the love I have for Nikolai is unmatched and I know that it’s my forever love.