Alec’s

Alec..

Regret. Regret. Regret.

That’s the one f**g emotion that no one ever wants to feel. One of the emotions that has the ability to gut you and leave you hating yourself for the **t you did.

I look at my daughter and my f**g heart hurts. I almost killed her. I hurt her mother. I lost three f**g years with her. She doesn’t know who the hell I am or just how important she already is to me.

To her, I am no one but a stranger. Someone staying in their pack. Someone who doesn’t have an impact on her life. I am a nobody to her. I doubt I even exist in her little world.

These last couple of weeks, since I learned she’s mine, I’ve watched her. Watched her play. Watched her laugh. Watched her smile. Watched her cry.

I’ve been studying her. Learning about her. Her likes and dislikes. What makes her happy and sad. I’ve watched and studied her personality. She’s an amazing little girl, so full of joy. Sadie really did a great job raising her, because Aspen was an angel through and through.

So many times, I’ve wanted to pull her into my arms and hug her. So many times, I’ve wanted to kiss her rosy cheeks. So many times, I’ve wanted to hold her and just be with her. It has gutted me over and over watching her interacting with King. Watching her run to him when she sees him. Watching her treating him like a father figure. Knowing your daughter doesn’t even recognize you is like a stab to the heart over and over again

I know that I don’t have anyone to blame, but **k it. That doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

“Hey, are you okay?” Micah’s voice pulls me from my tumultuous thoughts.

Running my hands down my face, I shake my head. “No”

While Micah, Jason and I traveled in one car, Sadie, Aspen, Raven and the nanny were in the car in front of us.

My jet could only carry ten people, so the rest of my warriors who had come with us and some of Sadie’s warriors would arrive the next day. Their flight was for tonight.

I would send my jet back once we arrived to pick up Piper, who had refused to leave without Calvin. They would both come, but Calvin would continue staying in my dungeon until Sadie and I decided on what to do with him.

“Is this about the pack? You know you don’t have to worry since Sadie agreed to help. Everything will be okay. We won’t lose anyone,” Jason says, once again pulling me back to reality.

F**k. How can I tell them that this is about more than just the pack? That this is about more than just being worried about the injured members? Everything is a f**g mess and I have no f****g idea where to start to fix s**t. It was messing with my head. I dug a hole for myself when I treated Sadie like s**t. Ahole that, now, three years later is my own undoing. It’s frustrating, to say the least.

“Can’t you read the message on the wall?” Micah turns to Jason and asks. “What Alec is dealing with isn’t just about the pack. Have you forgotten about Aspen, who doesn’t even know who the f**k he is? Or what about Sadie, who wants nothing to do with him?”

Sighing, I close my eyes and lean my head back against the leather seat. Why did life have to be so f**g complicated? I wish every person you met would come with a f**g sign. Something like, hey this person will be important to you in the

A

future. Tread carefully. That would have surely stopped me from making the biggest f*g *istake of my life.

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“I’m not worried about that. They are mates” Jason turns to Micah in a relaxed and casual manner. “It’s only a matter of time before Sadie gives in and forgives him.”

“Are you f**g serious or are just being ignorant? Sadie doesn’t seem to have a forgiving bone in her. I doubt she’ll let this go. The fact that she asked Alec to accept the rejection after she helps us should be proof enough.”

“Well, that’s your f**g opinion. I believe in the mate bond. And I f**g believe she’ll submit to it.”

“Sure, the same f***g mate bond that is clear as day she’s fighting and, from the looks of it, winning,” Micah growls in

annoyance.

Their argument was starting to get on my f***g nerves. I needed to think. I needed to come up with ways to deal with this whole s**t storm. I needed solutions, not theories.

“Would the two of you just shut up?” I growl, massaging my temples. “You are giving me a f**g headache.”

They both turn to look at me, but otherwise shut their mouths. I lean back against the chair and just close my eyes.

Everything I did to Sadie three years ago plays on my f**g mind like a broken record. Every punch, every insult, every slap, every whip, every knife cut. EVERYTHING.

Her pleas for mercy ring in my ears. I try to block them, but it doesn’t f**g work. Her screams and cries invade my headspace. I can’t shake them off no matter how hard I try.

I’m jolted and my eyes open when the car comes to a stop. Turning to the window, I realize that we were at the airport. N

don’t wait for the others; I get out because I feel suffocated.All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

“Do you need help with her?” I ask Sadie, coming to stop near her.

I wanted so badly to hold my daughter that my hands were practically itching.

With a cold stare and a colder voice, she says a simple No. Nodding my head, I then guide her. All through the short journey, Aspen couldn’t stop talking about how happy she was that she was going onto a plane.

Her smile, innocence and laughter warm my heart, but also brings a pang of longing. I want her to smile at me like that. I want her to hold me the way she’s holding on to Sadie. I want her sweet warmth to erase the coldness inside me. To destroy the monster that I was to her mother.

After being cleared and all that s**t, we are led to where my jet is. We get in and the moment we are settled, my pilot takes off.

“What are you doing?” Sadie hisses, when I take the seat next to her.

The mate bond was riding me hard. I needed to be next to her. I needed to smell her scent. I needed to touch her. To mark her. To mate her. I couldn’t do the last three things, but I could do the first two.

“Sitting, obviously”

“Then I’ll go find another seat,” she says through gritted teeth and then tries to stand up.

I put a stop to that by grabbing the end of her chair, making sure she didn’t move.

She begins to tremble, and her eyes start flashing. I should have been scared because she was on the verge of losing control, but I wasn’t.

“You lose control and this whole jet crashes” I drawl lazily. “You may survive given you have wings, but the rest of us probably won’t.”

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That seems to stop her. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and then opens her eyes again. When she does, she’s calmer and more in control.

“What do you want, Alec?” she asks, almost tiredly.

What did I want? Well, I wanted a lot of f**g things, but I doubt she is ready to hear any of them. Hell, I can bet on my parents’ graves that she isn’t ready to hear any of them.

When I fail to say anything, she pushes my hand away, stands up and leaves. I’m left staring at her seat with unseeing eyes.

“What are we going to do?” Knox whispers, his voice full of a kind of longing and remorse.

I twist in my seat, before looking outside the window. “I don’t know. I just don’t f**g know, Knox”

I was the great Alpha Alec, but right now I felt like I was nothing but a f**g failure.

Knox question continues to ring in my head all through the flight. It was now starting to hit me just how badly I messed things up.

What the hell do you do when you’ve messed up so badly, she now hates your f**g guts?