A Love Restored

I could hear a lull of sadness in Nian’s voice, and guilt, so much guilt, in

“Are you well?” He asked her softly.

“I’m okay,” She replied, “It’s been…..a lot.”

“I can imagine. I’m assuming your dad and brother didn’t take it well.”

in Julian’s.

She laughed lightly, but there was no humor in it. “Nico is really nice. She said, “I’m grateful for what he is doing. I really just hope I’ll meet his expectations.

Yet again all this talk of Nico. What did this mean? What was going on?

“There is nothing you could do wrong, Nua. And I’m very grateful to him, too.”

There was a pause. “I should leave, Dante. Goodbye, and best of luck.”

га

After a few seconds, I heard the front door close, and that’s when I emerged from Julian’s room. He turned around to look at me, giving me a reassuring smile. 1 quietly picked up our used dishes from the table and took them to the kitchen. He followed me. We were silent as I did the dishes and he cleaned up the kitchen. The silence was comfortable but heavy. I think both of us were too deep in our thoughts to talk for a while.

I needed to ask j

ask Julian what was

was going on with Nico.

Once we were both done with the chores, we sat down in his living room. I curled up on a corner of the couch, and he sat down on the other. I didn’t like that he was so far away from me. I wanted to be near him, to feel his skin on mine. To hold him. To have him hold me,

But I knew we needed this space- it was a good thing. This was all we needed. Space and time, before things went back to normal.

But I knew he felt it, too. The desperation, the heat that had always been between us. Amplided thousand times over, and then subdued by our mutual desolation. Julian reached for my hand that was on the couch. The tips of our fingers lightly touched, and he kept his hand there. It felt like my hand was on fire. Like electricity was flowing through my bloodstream. I was looking at Julian’s face, but I thought if I looked down at our hands, I’d see a white zap of electricity there.

I think I made the first move. I moved my hand a little, so it was on top of his. And then he intertwined our fingers. The electricity subsided to be replaced by a certain sweetness that filled my heart. It made me feel warmed on the inside.

“I’ve apologized to Nua many times,” Julian told me. “It doesn’t feel enough, though. She’s so young, she’s a child. And I rained her life.”

Since Nua had left, the blood had drained from Julian’s face. His skin was ashen and white, and his lips in a thin, straight line, his brows furrowed. Even as he spoke, I knew his mind was elsewhere. He was thinking of other things.

I knew this feeling, this face, all too well. I was filled with so much guilt, too. I didn’t know what to do with it. Everywhere I went, every person I saw, reminded me of the mess that had been created. And it would fill me up with the bitter taste of guilt and self loathing.

“What was

she saying about Nico?”

“You don’t know?”

I shook my head.

Julian heaved a deep sigh. “He’s marrying her.”

“What?

Julian nodded. “He offered to. I couldn’t believe it, either.”

“Nico is marrying Nua?” A flurry of emotions was building in my chest. Disbelief, most of all. But also, more guilt, confusion, shock, and sadness. I suddenly wanted to cry.

“I thought you would’ve spoken to him.”

“I haven’t,” I answered, “I should.”

Julian clenched his eyes shot, as if he was in pain. He nodded. “I can’t believe I said all that shit about him being a pussy. He’s doing more for the family than I could.”

And he was. I couldn’t contest that. He wasn’t even part of the mafia, and he was doing so much for it. Don and Nua’s father must have reached some kind of agreement of marrying Nua to Nico instead of to Julian.

And Nico, being Nico. He volunteered. That was just him. All grand gestures that he made quietly. Sacrifices and doing his duty without making a show

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1 needed to talk to him, I couldn’t wait anymore.

But as we were talking…

“Julian?” I tightened my hold on his hand. “I have to tell you something”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want there to be any secrets between us, anymore. No lies. No hidden truths. So, I’m going to tell you this even though I know you’re probably going to get mad about this.”

His jaw clenched a little. “Tell me, darlin‘

I took a deep breath. “I went to see Don, today. And I kind of asked him to give you your position back.”

Julian ripped his hand away from mine so quickly, I didn’t even feel it for a second. He stood up suddenly, suddenly seeming so much bigger, so much taller, as his eyes fared up. “You what?”

“You know I meant well.” I shrank into the couch under his angry gaze,

He turned away from me, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and a finger, his eyes clenched shut. He turned round to look at me. “God, Ginevra, you drive me so fucking mad sometimes.”

I stood up, taking a step toward him, lightly touching his chest. I looked up at him, into his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said softly,

His fists clenched. “What did Mariano say?”

“You know what he said.”

“Yeah, I fucking know what he said, Ginevra. Which is why I didn’t go to him, begging to be Capo Bastone, again. Do you even realize how this looks? You begging him to do this?”

I nodded. “I didn’t think it through, fully. But I don’t regret it, Julian. I want to make things right. I did this.”

“You didn’t.” He grabbed my arm, but his grip was light. Soft, even. “I did this. I made a choice. A decision, I did it for you, and I don’t regret it one bit But I know I disrespected the family by doing it. I made my bed, Ginevra. I’m going to lie in it.”

“But you liked it. You were yourself there.” I urged, “He said if you prove yourself again, he’ll take you back.”

Julian sighed, the anger in him subsiding a little. He tilted his head till his forehead was resting against mine. I could feel his breath fan my face. “I’m myself with you, baby, I don’t want to be in the mafia if it means I have to give you up.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I took his hand and squeezed. It was enough, for now.

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